John Carmack

And now back to... DAYS OF OUR CARMACK

SCENE 1: John Carmack and Michael Abrash are having a fight in the id Software jacuzzi...

Michael Abrash: John, I have some bad news. Your wife and son is leaving you. Carmcak: Mmm. Michael Abrash: Carmack, I'm serious. Stop whacking off to your 3D Adrian model and listen for a change. Carmack: Mmm. No. Listening most displeases me. Michael Abrash: You see! This is exactly why I'm miserable with you! And to think I could have married John Romero! Carmack: [Gasping] You will never speak his name in our house again, Mr. Man! Micheal Abrash: You wouldn't say that to Tom Hall!

SCENE 2: While Carmack and Michael Abrash are having a fight, Tom Hall is off doing a cheese commercial...

Tom: Hey kids! I'm Tom Hall! I would like to tell you about the healthy calcium in cheese! You see, normal cheese sucks and it comes from a cows ass! The new "Kraft: Anti-Ass Cheese" doesn't! It comes from the finest dairy farms in Mesquite, Texas. I should know, I built the farms with my own two testies!

[TOM'S BEEPER GOES OFF]

Tom: Hmm... It seems like somebody has said my name! To the Hallmobile!

Adrian: Um, Tom? It's just a Honda Civic.

Tom: Okay, to the Four-Cylinder-Shit-Mobile!

[TOM JUMPS IN HIS CAR AND SPEEDS OFF TOWARDS id SOFTWARE HEADQUARTERS]

SCENE 3: Tom arrives at id H.Q. to find Carmack and Michael Abrash fighting over him.

Carmack: Mmm. No, Tommy loves the Carmack more.

Michael Abrash: No, he loves me more!

Tom: Both of you stop it! Stop it now!

Carmack: Tom, tell Michael that you love me more! Mmm. At least you let me be a shit faced bellerina!

Tom: I hate both of you! I hate Doom and I especially hate Quake! John Romero is the one I dig.

Romero: That's right Tom. John Romero's about to make you his bitch!

Adrian: Whoa, Romero! Take that out of Tom! Oh, that's fucked up dude.